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There are two things this book accomplished for me. One was just simply describing a large number of common experiences autistic people face, and the other was looking at how some conventional forms of therapy can mess up an autistic patient. I would say that it succeeded in both.

First, we have the autistic experiences. I posted several quotes as I read because they hit hard. Things I've been trying to explain for years were written in simply, easy to understand paragraphs. Oh how I wish I'd had those paragraphs years ago! Autistic burnout, hyper-vigilance when talking to other people, and the feeling of overwhelm that a small amount of expectations can cause were some of the most salient, but I highlighted many more paragraphs as I read.

When it comes to the second part, how (some) conventional therapies might hard rather than help an autistic patient, the message was as much a warning for me as it was any potential therapists who might be reading. Certain things that therapies can try to "fix" in a neurotypical patient are just facts of existence for people with autism. At best, someone might succeed in teaching an autistic person how to better mask these things, but they will not be "fixed." More often than not autistic patients don't need fixing, they need help understanding how to manage their emotions, work through confusion in interpersonal relationships, understand how to take the mask off, and create a life that is manageable and sustainable.

All in all, it was helpful to me. At the end of the book, in the concluding chapter, one conclusion stuck out to me more than the others:

"The key task in therapy is to create a neurodivergent-friendly life which works for us."

This book should get a higher rating. The sections on Facing Illusions, Detaching, and Setting Healthy Boundaries are incredibly valuable. These make up three of the four areas of work the book covers. The remaining area however is spirituality.

The book defines this as finding a higher power and recognizing that you are not in full control of your life. There is something here that is true, but the message is tangled in all this talk of higher powers. While it attempts to leave that part open to interpretation, I could not help but feel that it fell into the trap many religious authors do trying to "include" atheists but ultimately using language that excludes them. Because of this, I cannot recommend this book, even though at different points I want to.

I want to be able to recommend this book when its talking about setting boundaries, not just in the things that I will and will not allow in my life, but simply understanding the boundary that exists between myself and another person. And simple ways to frame things to maintain that separation.

This book should get four stars just for including Appendix C, Characteristics of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (Woitoz, 1990). Those two pages were eye opening. I joked to a friend that I was offended to open a book and see such a clean, concise description of me, and that I should demand royalties.

But even if it wasn't the authors intention, and even if it did not affect others the way it did me, I cannot recommend a book that made me feel so excluded for being an atheist

While I have not had the chance to try any of these out, I feel I have more ideas about what the fuck to do when things suck. And that's the idea I suppose.

Harper's style is good for someone like me. It's conversational, funny, and unafraid to call bullshit. I don't want or need to be coddled, I need someone to tell me that I need to work on my shit, and maybe offer some suggestions for how I do that.

I'll be honest, I haven't been well. I get overwhelmed in crowds of more than 5, I cant handle bright lights and loud noises, and I spend more time alone than I ever have in my life. These things started getting worse than normal at the beginning of the year, so I thought I would do the smart thing and drop my unhealthy habits, like drinking. Lo and behold, several of those were actually the mechanisms I used to cope with things like crowds, loud noises, and bright lights.

So now here I am, physically healthier than I've been in years, running 5ks, not smoking, drinking, or anything else, and I am absolutely always on the verge of losing my shit.

Enter therapy. Enter some hard truths about myself being stirred up. Enter "you need coming skills." Enter this little book.

I'll be trying to retain what I read and applying what I learned. Maybe someday I'll be able to handle going to a show again.