"This is the book that would've saved me nine different therapists, decades of self-analysis, thousands …
It's almost like we have been conditioned to ignore our gut feelings. I know that when I don't want to do something I find it incredibly hard to just say no and leave it at that. The no whizzes around in a repetitive whirlwind full of justifications and counter-arguments as if I am on trial. But trial by whom?!
— The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy by Steph Jones (Page 198)
There is no word harder for me to say than "no." Refusing someone anything feels like a burden, like something I need to justify, as if the default answer is always to grant any request, and only under extreme circumstances do I have the right to say no.
I understand this isn't how consent works. I would be mortified to think that someone in my life was saying yes to me when they really didn't want to. And yet, for myself, I just cant say "no."