"This is the book that would've saved me nine different therapists, decades of self-analysis, thousands …
When I'm talking to someone it's as if I'm constantly observing myself — analysing how I'm coming across (am I using the right tone, words, body language, facial expressions?) in order to build that sense of free-flowing reciprocity neurotypical folk perform reflexively.
— The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy by Steph Jones (Page 119)
Oof. Yeah. I've long described it this way: in a conversation I attempt to be one sentence ahead at all times. I'm practicing what I'm about to say in advance because bad things happen when I speak without thinking it through extensively first. And it's not just my words. I'm considering my face and hands and shoulders and trying to ensure all of these things come together as cohesive and "normal."
I just thought it was a trauma thing.
